A Season of Transition: Finding My Roots

I've now been back in the States for seven months, which is crazy to think about. Time sure does fly by and yet stand still at the same time. So, can I still say I'm in a season of transition? How long will my transition home take? I've moved often, and am quite familiar with the tasks and feelings involved in starting over and establishing a new life, but this returning and re-establishing is a new experience. It might seem like a minor difference, but it's actually been quite substantial for me.


I was away for nearly a year and had some significant life experiences which have shaped me and contributed to my continued growth. Returning to Denver, I wasn't sure how the "new" me would fit in and where I would belong, but friends have welcomed me with open arms. Some saved space for me while I was away, and others have made new space for me. What I sometimes forget, is that others also had a year's worth of life experiences that I was not a part of, and so when I can't figure out where I belong or why I no longer have the same place, I have to remember life continues to move forward for all of us.

Beaches always remind me of the fluidity of life

Now that I am back, I find myself struggling with finding my place and purpose in this season. My life looks almost exactly like it did before I left, which can be comforting, and I have received it as a gift; yet, before I left I was restless and dissatisfied, looking for more. So I went away and had a life-changing adventure, which was not at all what I had expected, but exactly what I needed. And now, I find myself with the same shell of a life, but my soul has changed, so things don't fit the same anymore. It's kind of like going back to visit your childhood home after being away for many years - it doesn't seem as big or grand or impressive as it once did, yet it is still so comforting and full of sentiment. You can cling to the memories and be disappointed with the reality, or you can embrace the reality and treasure the memories for what they are and how they brought you to the present.

This sign above the door at a local coffee shop recently caught my attention

In times of transition, I often find myself on an emotional roller coaster - loving the thrill of the new discoveries, the excitement of new routines, and the richness of new relationships; but also the exhaustion of unfamiliar rhythms, the burden of discovering all of the necessities of daily life, and the loneliness of casual acquaintances. In this time of returning and rediscovering, my roller coaster is off the rails as the juxtaposition of new and old, familiar and foreign collide.

I realize that some of my tension comes from trying to keep a foot in both worlds. My dad has often told me, once you make a decision, be all in, don't look back and wonder "what if", because you'll never know. Instead, embrace the decision, and if you don't like the results, make another decision and keep moving forward. So, rather than wondering "what if...." I am continuing to practice being present and making decisions that will keep me moving forward on a journey of growth and discovery, embracing this crazy adventure called Life!

I don't know the name of the artist, but what a perfectly lovely sentiment

Exploring Denver with a fresh Perspective

Denver International Airport

The beauty of the Denver skies welcomed me home nearly two months ago. It's hard to believe it's been that long, but I just counted out the weeks and, it's true, I have just concluded week eight of being back in Colorado. It has been an absolutely beautiful Fall here, with glorious sunny days, colorful leaves, and bright blue skies. And, in this time of transition, I have been blessed by generous and gracious friends who have provided the time and space I needed to readjust to a life that is somewhat familiar and yet so foreign. As part of my transition process, I have been able to explore the Denver area like it was all brand new to me. I brought the joy and wonder I had while exploring European cities and discovered a whole new beauty in Denver.

Look, Denver has it's own "Arche de Triomphe"

The beauty of details

A fountain reminiscent of my time in Aix en Provence

While parts of the city have reminded me of Europe, this huge outdoor fireplace is such a Colorado thing - it made me smile. I was sitting in a little park/outdoor café next to a crepe stand feeling like I'd been transported back to the Luxembourg gardens, when I turned around and noticed this gigantic fireplace and was caught in this liminal space between cultures - it was so fun to get to experience the gift of being present in the moment and enjoying memories of being present in another place at another time. This experience reminded me that we all have filters through which we see and experience the world. With France freshly imprinted on my soul, I now see Denver with a fresh, new perspective  - one that isn't expecting it to be Europe, but simply makes it come alive in a whole new way.


"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you."

In my opinion, one of the many great things about Denver are the bike paths that wind through the city, and I recently had the luxury of spending a pleasant, sunny afternoon exploring the city, taking in the views from my bike seat.

 

Confluence park

Some new street art in the process of being created

The Dancing People

Cherry Creek - a quiet place in the city



And so, the city has embraced me and welcomed me home, reminding me that it is full of beauty and wonder.

So, what are you doing now?

Life has a way of moving forward whether we want it to or not. Whether we are holding on to the old and resisting the new, or we are denying the past and worrying about the future; whatever it is, if we are not living fully in the present moment it disappears before we know it, and then we discover that we haven't really lived at all, but we've been looking back or looking ahead, waiting for some vague image of a dream or a memory.

One day last year I realized that I was ready to embrace the present - to stop trying to manage outcomes and control my future, and to step out of the tiny box I had squeezed myself into in the past. My safe and comfortable life was no longer satisfying. There was something just a bit hollow and empty, and I could no longer deny the restlessness in my soul. And so, as I admitted this truth and opened myself to the possibilities, I found myself quitting my job, selling my car, packing a couple of bags, and putting everything else in a tiny storage unit, so that I could get on a plane to an unknown future in France. This blog began as a way for me to share my journey with you as I embarked on this new adventure, and what an adventure it has been!

Now, nearly a year later I find myself back in Colorado, sitting in the uncomfortable liminal space of a whole lot of unknowns, yet being more at peace than I've been in a long time. I've returned to my place of belonging, my community, my support network. As I continue to learn to share my needs, to put more of my weight on the bridge of relationship that connects me to others, I find myself overwhelmed with generous hospitality and kindness. In this, yet another season of transition, my friends and family are patiently and joyfully walking with me.

 

 

After a year away, I was hopeful that I would have this great epiphany, that my true purpose in life would blatantly present itself so that I would know without a shadow of a doubt what was next.... but the heavens remained silent, and instead, I've heard the quiet whisper of the Spirit, the gentle calling of the One who created me: Be present. Be patient. Be still. Be open.

So what am I doing now? That's the question everyone asks. If I say that I am simply being present and waiting, people get a bit uncomfortable, because we are a society of doing, not being. We make things happen, we don't take time to watch them grow and develop. And so, the socially correct answer is; I'm looking for a car, a job, and a place to live. I've polished my resume and submitted applications, I'm networking and..... doesn't that all sound nice? And yet, if I'm looking to reconstruct my life as it was, to replicate what I had, then why did I leave? The reality is, I am doing all of the necessary things to find a source of income, to have reliable transportation, and to have a long-term, sustainable place to live.... and yet what's different is my heart. My internal motivations and questions are very different now. As I embrace the fullness and authenticity of who I am, I will find those things that are necessary for me to live a satisfying life, but they will not define me, they will simply be a part of my story.

Solitude in the Loire Valley

I have been grossly negligent in updating you on my various adventures, but you see, I've been busy having adventures! After I finished my studies and work, I took a week-long holiday to the Loire Valley where I spent my days roaming around castles, vineyards, and gardens. It was a week of rest and renewal, and a bit of indulgence as I mentally and spiritually embraced my next season of transition. I had a glorious week of solitude in this valley famous for its castles, which is also an epicenter for spiritual pilgrimages.

 

 

 

Thanks to the help of a dear friend, and the generous hospitality of a new friend, I got to stay in a beautiful home perfectly situated in the heart of the city of Tours. Each day I would go out and explore, then wrap up the afternoon down by the gypsy camp at the river. Ok, it wasn't a real gypsy camp, but it was an outdoor bar with live music and dancing, and all sorts of creative seating overlooking the river.

La Guinguette (The Country Café) - or in my mind The Gypsy Camp

 

The Game Shack (bus) at The Gypsy Camp

These boats reminded me of the gypsy boats in the movie Chocolat

 

The outdoor library/study at The Gypsy Camp

One day I rented a bike and rode to the nearby village of Amboise. It was a beautiful but long ride along the river and through vineyards. The chateau was impressive, but I was also intrigued by the many houses built directly into the cliffs. I also discovered wine caves built in the cliffs, which gives a whole new perspective on a wine cellar.

 

 

 

Another day I hopped on the train and went to the village of Chinon. We passed through field after field of sunflowers and more vineyards too.  I enjoyed exploring the village with the comforting presence of the chateau towering overhead.

 

 

 

 

Unknowingly, I saved the best chateau for the last. I was a bit done with seeing castles, but had heard this was a must see, and I am very thankful I made the effort to go. The chateau of Chenonceau is a grand estate, with all of the outbuildings, flower and vegetable gardens immaculately kept. From every direction the castle takes on a new personality, and I found myself thoroughly immersed in the history of the various women who had lived here, while I soaked up the beauty of the architecture and the landscapes.

 

 

This was a week of quiet reflection. I filled up a lot of journal pages as I prepared to say goodbye to France and re-enter the US. It was an ideal location for me to embrace this next season of transition. I was able to revel in the beauty and splendor of the French countryside, indulge in the delicious French cuisine, and simply be present to my heart and soul.

 

 



 

 

Saying goodbye was not easy.... which is actually a good thing

At the end of July I finished my time at the school in France where I have been studying and working for the past ten months. I had the good fortune of working with some pretty amazing people who were not only colleagues and teachers, but friends. Here is a glimpse of a few of the people who have been a part of my journey this past year. By no means is this everyone, as I don't have pictures of many, but these are some of the people who made this year special for me.



I spent a LOT of time with these crazy guys




Partners in crime and fun



Patient teachers and dear friends




Baking Buddy, teacher, friend - she welcomed me into her life

 

Dedicated teacher and friend, she always made sure I was taken care of -
 and her kiddos were my favorite English students!



She was our housekeeper, but so much more



Our Chef, who patiently taught me French vocabulary for all things cooking related

 

This guy... he's an American-Frenchman with a huge heart full of kindness

 



Hospitable, kind, and super talented - she provided a home away from home

 

 



He put up with me day in and day out - providing laughter and balance in the chaos



And so, memories were made and friendships grew, and this is what made it difficult to say goodbye. I'm thankful it was difficult, because that means I was present and invested in relationships which have impacted me greatly and which will be truly missed. Thank you to all of you who were a part of my journey at Planete-Langues, you are now forever part of my story.

Transitions

I haven't written anything for a while, but it's not for a lack of things to say. On the contrary, there are many things for me to share, I just haven't known quite where to begin.

Enjoying the view

A year ago at this time  moving to France was simply a dream, and now I have been living my dream for the last ten months - living, studying, and working in France. I arrived  bright-eyed and eager for the adventure that lay ahead, wondering if I might find a new place to call home.... if I might "fit" in France better than in the US... many friends had told me I was much more European than American in my approach to life. I was hopeful that I would find answers to some big life questions - Who am I? Where do I belong? What is my unique purpose in life? Ok, so maybe I had some unrealistic expectations, but really, I was ready for a new adventure and this was exactly what I needed to gain a fresh perspective on life. Some might call it a mid-life crisis, but I call it a pilgrimage and a sabbatical. The pilgrimage has been both a physical journey to a foreign country and a spiritual journey deeper into my own soul. The sabbatical has been a time to pause and reflect on life, to see where I've been and to intentionally look ahead to where I am going - both literally and figuratively.

 

 

The view on a recent bike ride

One of my favorite walks in the park

Transitions are a common thing in my world, especially when it comes to moving (I didn't get the name Gypsy by accident!). You'd think I'd be comfortable with the whole process by now, but each time I face a transition, it's a new and unique experience. I am getting better at not just enduring the process, but actually embracing and enjoying the ride as part of the greater journey, and yet it is still emotionally and physically exhausting; however, I have found that bike rides, walks in the park, and stopping to enjoy simple beauty all are things that nourish my soul in these times of transition.

This guy had about 20 friends hanging out on the same lavender bush

And now, another transition is on the horizon as my time here in France is quickly coming to an end. In light of that, I am doing all that I can to enjoy every moment, to see and do those last few "musts" in France before I leave; to be fully present, enjoying every moment, feeling the mix of emotions that come as I embrace the transition. Yes, I am leaving France. While it has been a unique experience for which I will be forever grateful, I have discovered that Colorado is more home to me than I ever knew, and now I am excited to be returning there this fall! I am looking forward to returning to my community of friends, finding a source of income that is fulfilling and sustainable, acquiring a place to live where I can practice hospitality, and of course rediscovering the beauty of Colorado!

A quiet respite at a friend's house in the mountains of Steamboat Springs