Friday, May 22, 2015

Pursuing our dreams isn't always easy

Today I am tired. The sort of tired that is bone-deep, soul-weary, and simply exhausted. There's no real reason for this, and I feel guilty for even saying it because I'm here in France, "living my dream". However, the reality is, it's sometimes hard to pursue our dreams.

Some things require all of our given graces....patience, risk, balance, intention, spirit, love
Card by Curly Girl Design
Today I don't want to be brave or courageous or adventurous. I don't want to learn new things or be stretched or challenged. I long for the comfort of the familiar, the routine..... and yet I know that is the weariness talking, and while I feel disheartened at this moment, I know that this is exactly where I am supposed to be, because underlying the weariness is a deep sense of peace and joy. I know that I continue to grow into a more whole person, more authentic to who I was created to be. I am letting go a little more and letting life happen, rather than trying to tell life how to be and what to do. Parker Palmer has said "the life I am living is not the same as the life that wants to live in me..... running beneath the surface of the experience I call my life, there is a deeper and truer life waiting to be acknowledged."  At this moment my goal is to be still and listen for the truer life, to hear my soul and to live more fully; and in doing so, my hope is to then companion others on their journey of discovering a truer life.

On this adventure I hope that I am becoming a better communicator as I continue to learn not only a new language but a new culture; however, I miss the ease of communicating in my native language. I realize that I often took for granted the ability to express myself. I could effortlessly use words to relate with people. Now I am forced to find new ways of relating when I don't have the vocabulary to express myself, or to simply be still and listen and say nothing at all.

I am so very grateful for my new friends, those who have embraced me and welcomed me into their lives for this season, and we are now living in the present together creating history which will forever change who I am and how I engage the world; yet I miss the ease of friendship that comes only with time, the comfort of being with friends who have already lived through some history with me.

I have these two cards that beautifully capture this part of my journey. The one on the right I found at my favorite boutique near Denver just before I moved. It expresses a sentiment that inspires me and reminds me that this journey I am on is not just about me, but it involves a lot of other people that I get the privilege of meeting and being a part of their journey. The one on the left I found at a street market in Paris, and it creatively depicts my spirit of adventure. It is also a visual representation of the statement on the other card, "We each have a light, our adventure is finding which paths to brighten."

We each have a light, our adventure is finding which paths to brighten
Cards by Curly Girl Designs and Gaelle Boissonnard 
And so I sit here in my weariness and I am humbled and thankful for this life I get to live. I am grateful for you, my family and friends - both new and old, who are on this journey with me. I couldn't do it alone and I am beholden to you, encouraged by your presence in my life.