Exploring Denver with a fresh Perspective

Denver International Airport

The beauty of the Denver skies welcomed me home nearly two months ago. It's hard to believe it's been that long, but I just counted out the weeks and, it's true, I have just concluded week eight of being back in Colorado. It has been an absolutely beautiful Fall here, with glorious sunny days, colorful leaves, and bright blue skies. And, in this time of transition, I have been blessed by generous and gracious friends who have provided the time and space I needed to readjust to a life that is somewhat familiar and yet so foreign. As part of my transition process, I have been able to explore the Denver area like it was all brand new to me. I brought the joy and wonder I had while exploring European cities and discovered a whole new beauty in Denver.

Look, Denver has it's own "Arche de Triomphe"

The beauty of details

A fountain reminiscent of my time in Aix en Provence

While parts of the city have reminded me of Europe, this huge outdoor fireplace is such a Colorado thing - it made me smile. I was sitting in a little park/outdoor café next to a crepe stand feeling like I'd been transported back to the Luxembourg gardens, when I turned around and noticed this gigantic fireplace and was caught in this liminal space between cultures - it was so fun to get to experience the gift of being present in the moment and enjoying memories of being present in another place at another time. This experience reminded me that we all have filters through which we see and experience the world. With France freshly imprinted on my soul, I now see Denver with a fresh, new perspective  - one that isn't expecting it to be Europe, but simply makes it come alive in a whole new way.


"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you."

In my opinion, one of the many great things about Denver are the bike paths that wind through the city, and I recently had the luxury of spending a pleasant, sunny afternoon exploring the city, taking in the views from my bike seat.

 

Confluence park

Some new street art in the process of being created

The Dancing People

Cherry Creek - a quiet place in the city



And so, the city has embraced me and welcomed me home, reminding me that it is full of beauty and wonder.

So, what are you doing now?

Life has a way of moving forward whether we want it to or not. Whether we are holding on to the old and resisting the new, or we are denying the past and worrying about the future; whatever it is, if we are not living fully in the present moment it disappears before we know it, and then we discover that we haven't really lived at all, but we've been looking back or looking ahead, waiting for some vague image of a dream or a memory.

One day last year I realized that I was ready to embrace the present - to stop trying to manage outcomes and control my future, and to step out of the tiny box I had squeezed myself into in the past. My safe and comfortable life was no longer satisfying. There was something just a bit hollow and empty, and I could no longer deny the restlessness in my soul. And so, as I admitted this truth and opened myself to the possibilities, I found myself quitting my job, selling my car, packing a couple of bags, and putting everything else in a tiny storage unit, so that I could get on a plane to an unknown future in France. This blog began as a way for me to share my journey with you as I embarked on this new adventure, and what an adventure it has been!

Now, nearly a year later I find myself back in Colorado, sitting in the uncomfortable liminal space of a whole lot of unknowns, yet being more at peace than I've been in a long time. I've returned to my place of belonging, my community, my support network. As I continue to learn to share my needs, to put more of my weight on the bridge of relationship that connects me to others, I find myself overwhelmed with generous hospitality and kindness. In this, yet another season of transition, my friends and family are patiently and joyfully walking with me.

 

 

After a year away, I was hopeful that I would have this great epiphany, that my true purpose in life would blatantly present itself so that I would know without a shadow of a doubt what was next.... but the heavens remained silent, and instead, I've heard the quiet whisper of the Spirit, the gentle calling of the One who created me: Be present. Be patient. Be still. Be open.

So what am I doing now? That's the question everyone asks. If I say that I am simply being present and waiting, people get a bit uncomfortable, because we are a society of doing, not being. We make things happen, we don't take time to watch them grow and develop. And so, the socially correct answer is; I'm looking for a car, a job, and a place to live. I've polished my resume and submitted applications, I'm networking and..... doesn't that all sound nice? And yet, if I'm looking to reconstruct my life as it was, to replicate what I had, then why did I leave? The reality is, I am doing all of the necessary things to find a source of income, to have reliable transportation, and to have a long-term, sustainable place to live.... and yet what's different is my heart. My internal motivations and questions are very different now. As I embrace the fullness and authenticity of who I am, I will find those things that are necessary for me to live a satisfying life, but they will not define me, they will simply be a part of my story.

Aix-en-Provence

When I first started thinking about moving to France, I thought I would like to live in Aix-en-Provence. I didn't really know anything about France, but I had heard stories about the beauty and tranquility that can be found in the South. However, as things progressed, my opportunity to live in France landed me in the forest just outside of Paris. It is beautiful here, and I am grateful for this experience, but last weekend I finally had the chance to travel south and see what I had dreamt about for years.... Aix-en-Provence.

It was everything I had imagined and then some! The weather was warm and sunny. The people were kind and generous. The atmosphere was calm and relaxed, and I had time to simply enjoy all of these things.

As a true foodie, I managed to eat my way around the city, doing plenty of sightseeing along the way. My first morning I found a delightful patisserie that was very reminiscent of a Denver coffee shop, and it was just a few steps away from my hotel, so this became my morning hangout. The baristas were friendly, the pastries were delicious and it was a great atmosphere for some quiet morning reflections.

The best almond croissant I've ever had!

 I was fascinated by the creativity of the various flower and herb gardens I saw around the city. I'm definitely copying this when I have a place to call my own again.


Creative gardening

Before I went down to Aix, I was connected with several "friends-of-friends". One of the best surprises was the couple who own a delicious shwarma shop - La Goullette. I was told by a friend to stop by and order a specific sandwich that's named after him. I assumed I'd get a good sandwich, but I also made new friends. After lunch, they insisted that I stay for tea, and then they joined me every day for some sightseeing and each afternoon we did a little language exchange conversation - French, Arabic and English.


Tunisian mint tea

Aix is known for it's many open-air markets. There is one that supposedly has been open every single day for the past 700 years!! And don't even think about trying to get a spot to sell your wares, as they are handed down amongst family from one generation to the next.

 

Cheese, cheese and more cheese!

One of the many things I love about France are the plates du fromage et charcuterie. After a day of tasting my way around the city, I wasn't really hungry for dinner, but needed to eat something.  This was the perfect conclusion to the day.

Cheese, meat, salad, bread and wine - the perfect dinner

After all of the grey days this winter, it was wonderful to be in the warm sunshine and surrounded by rainbows of color at the flower markets. I was so tempted to by myself some fresh flowers, but I decided they wouldn't travel well.

This reminded me of Seattle's Pikes Place Market

Aix has so many beautiful fountains. You can find one in nearly every square and intersection. Some were funny sculptures with water shooting out, others where serious pillars of granite with cascades of water, but this one caught my eye.... It was a big ball of ferns and moss with this sweet little spurt of water bubbling up from the inside and quietly dripping down the sides.

 

 

The food in France is delicious, but one thing I've missed has been the organic, local, vegetarian, natural food scene from Denver and Boulder. So maybe in addition to being a foodie I'm also a little bit of a hippy.... Anyway, one of my new friends in Aix recommended this delightful epicerie - the woman buys her ingredients at the market each morning and then creates beautiful meals that are organic, vegetarian, gluten-free, and so good! I arrived late in the afternoon and these were her "left-overs" from the day. 

 

Sweet potato quiche, lentils, herb potatoes, and a beet, carrot salad

 

 I am so thankful that I hired a guide (yet another friend of a friend) to do a walking tour of the city. We spent two hours roaming all over the medieval parts of the city and I learned so much history and saw things I never would have found on my own. When we finished the tour we stopped for tea and pastries just as the sky opened up and poured down rain. It rained for the rest of the afternoon, so I took the opportunity to check out one of the museums.

 

The wind and rain at one of the markets

On my way out of town I made one last stop for one more crepe from this amazing little crepe stand that can be found under ground at the edge of this fountain.

 

All of the people who said I would love Aix were right - this city has captured a little piece of my heart and resonated with my soul. I felt at home here. It is a beautiful, interesting city where nobody seemed to be in a hurry, but instead everyone seemed to be intentionally enjoying life.... or maybe this was simply me projecting my personal joy and contentment onto my surroundings. Whatever the case may be, I am grateful for this adventure and the beauty I experienced.

The French Office of Immigration and Integration

As an international living in France for more than three months, I had to visit l'Office Francais de l'immigration et de l'ntegration (affectionately known as OFII - pronounced OhFee) last week. This is a mandatory, two-step process including a medical exam and an interview, and if both steps are successfully completed, then a stamp is added to your visa to allow you to legally stay in France. I had heard several horror stories from colleagues and students about their experiences, so I was rather apprehensive as I boarded the train to Paris for this adventure.


 

I arrived 25 minutes early for my appointment only to find a sign on the door indicating that they were closed until 1pm (my appointment time).  Now that I knew where to find the office, I went for a little walk and enjoyed the sun that had made an appearance, and then returned at 12:55pm, only to find nearly 10 people loitering around the doors. When the security guard came to open the doors, he only let one person in at a time, and it was simply a matter of whomever was pushing their way closest to the door as to who got in first. Now, we all know how much I love crowds and people pushing into my space, so I was not the first one in, but there did become some sense of order and I finally made it in. Once inside, but still in the breezeway between the two sets of doors, I had to have my bags examined.  Typically this is not a big deal; however, this is the French government (who are very particular), and... I had two bags packed for a long holiday weekend, for which I was leaving immediately after my appointment.  Therefore, when I opened my bags for the guard to check, he saw layers of neatly folded clothes, which he insisted that I remove. Now mind you, I'm in the breezeway, and everyone outside can see what's happening. So, as I begin to unpack my bag, I'm trying to be discreet about what I pull out and he keeps telling me to remove more. As I hesitate, he gets impatient and asks which country I am from, and when I tell him I'm American he immediately says it's not a problem and motions for me to repack my bags and go through.



Proud of packing light - two small bags for 5 days!

Immediately inside the doors I check in at the front desk and am directed to a waiting room where I join the others who entered before me.  We wait there for maybe 30 minutes, until every chair in the room is occupied (nearly 30 seats), and then they call seven names - one of which was mine - and we all follow a nurse into another waiting room where we sit down and wait again. When my name is called, I talk with a nurse at a little counter in the waiting room where she confirms the accuracy of my paperwork and sends me on to the next stage, which is a urine sample - although there thankfully was a private stall for this, once finished you just carry your sample out to the next nurses station and set it on the counter! Ugh! I was weighed and measured (Surprisingly, I haven't gained any weight... yet!) and then was sent to another room to do an eye exam. Next I was pointed to a changing room type stall which had two doors (one that I entered through and one on the back side). This is the prep room for the chest x-ray, and for whatever reason, they don't provide you with any sort of cover up, they simply make you undress from the waist up and tell you to wait.  Suddenly the back door opens and the doctor tells me to come out into this big x-ray room. He pushes me up against the x-ray machine, takes the picture and then sends me back to the stall to get dressed.  I exit through the front door and am once again in the waiting room.  The people ahead of me continue through the process and then leave, and I'm still waiting. Eventually a nurse comes to tell me that the x-ray machine is blocked and we have to wait a little bit longer (or at least I think that's what she said, since it was all in French). More time passes and them I'm told to go back into the changing room, where I go through the whole x-ray process again and then wait some more. There's more talk amongst the nurses about the machine being blocked, and they decide to move the next group of people through the rest of the process without an x-ray. This leaves me stuck in the middle - not part of the next group, and still without an x-ray.  Finally the nurse calls my name and sends me back into the changing room. I tell her this is my third time and ask if I really have to do it again or if they just overlooked my second one.  She tells me that the second one didn't work and so yes, I have to do yet another x-ray. Thankfully, this one works and I continue through the process.  Through all of this, I must say that everyone was surprisingly kind - we were even laughing a few times!

At this point I'm sent into yet another changing room with two doors. On the other side of this door there is a small office where the nurse makes me remove my shirt yet again, simply to take my blood pressure. Once I'm re-clothed, she asks for my medical history. This is the first part of the process where I resort to English because I simply don't have the French vocabulary for this. All goes well and I'm sent back out to the front lobby where they issue me an official form stating that I'm healthy, and then I'm directed to yet another waiting room where yet another person calls my name.... which I must say is not easy to recognize because in French it sounds like Ezeure Taileurre, and I end up in a tiny office to complete the interview.  I was really anxious about this part because of my level of French, but it was really quite simple, just some basic questions about why I'm in France and how long I intend to stay, and she was gracious enough to use some English...... and then she issued my visa stamp, three hours after I started!!!

I was exhausted but thankful to be finished with that process and excited to board the train headed down to Aix-en-Provence for a vacation in the south of France. More to come on that in the near future.

Meandering in Paris

I finally had my first solo trip to Paris and it was delightful! Nobody but myself to worry about, no agenda, no obligations, no plan - just a free day to explore. It was a beautiful sunny day; perfect for meandering around the city, window shopping, sightseeing, café-hopping and people-watching.

 

 

I took the train in to the city and then hopped on the metro with no real plan other than to explore a new part of the city, and so I ended up in the Etienne-Marcel neighborhood. The sun was out ALL DAY and the sidewalk cafés were bursting with people, as were the streets and the parks.





I wandered in and out of shops, and found a sunny café for some tea and crepes, and then eventually found myself at Notre Dame. Once inside, I took the opportunity to just sit for a while and soak up the beauty and history.


I left as the sun was setting, and then wandered into Saint Michel, where I spent some time in various book stores before stopping for dinner at a little Asian bistro. On my way to the metro I grabbed a couple of macarons for the train ride home. It was a fabulous day of leisurely exploring this beautiful city!








The other macaron was already in my mouth before I thought to take a picture!
 

"Normal" Life in France

It's hard to believe that I have already been here THREE months! Thankfully, I feel much more comfortable here as I begin to settle into some sense of normalcy (which I hesitate to even type, knowing that things are always unpredictable and changing). So, here's a little random glimpse into my "normal" life: 

I can now order an afternoon treat for myself, in French, and have been checking out all of the local patisseries and boulangeries to see who has the best pastries.



Chocolat chaud et un macaron a la framboise

....and at the farmer's market this weekend I wasn't terrified that somebody would speak to me, but instead was eager to practice my French and chatted (very briefly) with one of the vendors after I ordered my pastry. 



A beautiful day at the market

The Farmer's Market/Swap Meet/Flea Market

This week I had the pleasure of dining with some new friends in their home. A very kind couple who are a host family for our students.  They cooked a beautiful, organic dinner - pumpkin/carrot soup and a leek quiche, all made with veggies they grew themselves. But the best part is that the majority of the evening the conversation was in French, and I understood it!! They were very gracious and patient to repeat and explain things slowly, and then to occasionally clarify in English, and I was even able to respond in French (very broken and heavily accented, but still French). It was a pleasant, but exhausting evening for which I am truly thankful.

Last week I got to go to an open mic jam session - I wasn't playing, just listening. It was rather chaotic, but fun to watch the various musicians put their names on the board and then assemble other musicians to play songs. No rehearsal, just live music. Some of it was surprisingly good, none of it was awful, and all of it was interesting. The venue is an old hat factory that has been converted into a community center, this provided some interesting things to look at during the music.

The first round of musicians

Les chapeaux

We finally got snow this week! Just enough to make everything pretty, and then the sun came out and made everything even more beautiful.

 



Unique ice formations on a car windshield

Beautiful sunshine after the snow

What did I Expect?

I am happy to report that I am finally feeling better and well on the road to recovery..... and I didn't have to resort to antibiotics or horseradish!

This past week I finally had some moments that felt like what I had anticipated life in France might be....

I had French language classes all morning and I actually felt like I understood what was going on! It was raining, but the sun came out in the afternoon, and so I went for a walk and found myself at a cemetery. It was a pleasant surprise (as I enjoy cemeteries), and I found my soul came out of hiding and took a little breath.

Let me back up.... Since coming to France, it seems that my soul went into hiding, and I haven't been able to offer it a safe space to return. It has been such a chaotic season of disorientation, hiding was necessary for survival, but I was beginning to wonder how long might this season last.

As an Introvert I am reenergized by being alone where I have time for reflection and introspection. Don't misunderstand me - I like people, and I think I have fairly good social skills, and I'm a friendly person, BUT..... in order to recharge, to maintain some sense of balance, it is absolutely necessary that I have solitude and silence, and I haven't had much of that since arriving in France.

Moving to a foreign country has upended any sense of normalcy and balance in my life.... which is exactly what I wanted, but it's still challenging, frustrating and a bit uncomfortable. And yet, I continue to pursue the adventure and find joy in the midst of chaos. This is what I thought life in France might look like.

Saturday I took the train to Paris with some friends. We went to the musee d'Orsay and enjoyed the Impressionists exhibits, followed by a stop at a nearby café for hot drinks. We did a little window shopping, stopping into a fromagerie, an epicerie, and a patisserie on our way to dinner.  The Café de l'Empire was a perfectly delightful experience. I felt at home as soon as we walked through the door..... a hint of hipster, but mostly simple, chic and classy. The service was pleasant, the ambiance was cozy, the food was good, and my company was delightful.



The velvet wall behind our table

After dinner we walked around the block to a classical music concert where a friend was playing the violin in a quaint, small art gallery converted for the evening into a concert hall.

As the music filled the room, my soul breathed deeply.

We finished off the evening with wine and cheese at a lovely little café in St. Michel. The location was perfect for some people-watching, and I reflected on our day in Paris with contentment. This is what I had hoped life in France might look like.

But after all of that time with people, I desperately needed some alone time.  And so today I had a slow, quiet, introspective morning and then headed out for a hike in the forest. I found the perfect seat on a tree stump beside a little pond where I sat and soaked up the sun that graciously decided to make an appearance. 

As the quietness surrounded me, my soul breathed deeper.

I spent the afternoon in the kitchen listening to classical music and baking a pie. Baking is often a spiritual practice for me, and today it again provided space for my thoughts to roam and for my soul to breathe.

Apple Cranberry Pie

I am learning to be patient with myself, to treat my soul with kindness and respect, and to breathe deeply.  This is what I had hoped life in France might be..... a time of reflection and growth.

Christmas Eve

I was scheduled to work today, but after a few very brief tasks this morning, it seems that there is nothing else required of me today, and so I find myself with an unexpected day off.... on Christmas Eve!

Christmas Cathedral

The past four weeks my schedule has been fairly non-stop, unpredictable and a bit chaotic, and I have frequently lamented the lack of "down time". Ironically, I now find myself with a free day, and I don't know what to do with my time.  My mind and body have adjusted to survival mode so well that it is going to take me a while to unwind, breathe deeply, and make friends with myself once again - to remember that I am a quiet, simple-pleasures kind of girl.


A bit of holly for the holiday



Just an awesome window I happened upon

I wonder, apart from the spiritual aspects of the holiday, how do I celebrate Christmas when I have none of the usual things or people to celebrate with? Don't worry, I won't be alone for Christmas, and I'm not sad,  just taking some time to reflect on what makes Christmas for me.....  I've been listening to Christmas music for a few weeks now (thanks Rob for the awesome folksy Christmas playlists). I've put up Christmas decorations all around the château, baked Christmas cupcakes, experienced the Christmas market on the Champs Elysees, had a wonderful Christmas lunch with my coworkers, and yet it still doesn't feel like Christmas.  You see, my list of things have all been done for other people, not things I've chosen to do (other than the Christmas music), but things that have been required of me. This doesn't make them bad - in fact - I've enjoyed all of it, but it hasn't filled my Christmas tank.  But that's about to change! This afternoon I am planning to spend some time in the kitchen (by myself) making some Christmas cookies, and then I am going to spend the evening with a new friend and her family. There will be a gift exchange, good food and drinks, and plenty of laughter, which will make for a delightful evening. Tomorrow I am looking forward to some more alone time in the kitchen baking a pie, and being with some more new friends.  I'm reminded once again, it's the simple things for me - baking and friends, being still, breathing deeply (laughter is always good for this), and being present in the moment.

Christmas market