Pursuing our dreams isn't always easy

Today I am tired. The sort of tired that is bone-deep, soul-weary, and simply exhausted. There's no real reason for this, and I feel guilty for even saying it because I'm here in France, "living my dream". However, the reality is, it's sometimes hard to pursue our dreams.




Some things require all of our given graces....patience, risk, balance, intention, spirit, love
Card by Curly Girl Design

Today I don't want to be brave or courageous or adventurous. I don't want to learn new things or be stretched or challenged. I long for the comfort of the familiar, the routine..... and yet I know that is the weariness talking, and while I feel disheartened at this moment, I know that this is exactly where I am supposed to be, because underlying the weariness is a deep sense of peace and joy. I know that I continue to grow into a more whole person, more authentic to who I was created to be. I am letting go a little more and letting life happen, rather than trying to tell life how to be and what to do. Parker Palmer has said "the life I am living is not the same as the life that wants to live in me..... running beneath the surface of the experience I call my life, there is a deeper and truer life waiting to be acknowledged."  At this moment my goal is to be still and listen for the truer life, to hear my soul and to live more fully; and in doing so, my hope is to then companion others on their journey of discovering a truer life.

On this adventure I hope that I am becoming a better communicator as I continue to learn not only a new language but a new culture; however, I miss the ease of communicating in my native language. I realize that I often took for granted the ability to express myself. I could effortlessly use words to relate with people. Now I am forced to find new ways of relating when I don't have the vocabulary to express myself, or to simply be still and listen and say nothing at all.

I am so very grateful for my new friends, those who have embraced me and welcomed me into their lives for this season, and we are now living in the present together creating history which will forever change who I am and how I engage the world; yet I miss the ease of friendship that comes only with time, the comfort of being with friends who have already lived through some history with me.

I have these two cards that beautifully capture this part of my journey. The one on the right I found at my favorite boutique near Denver just before I moved. It expresses a sentiment that inspires me and reminds me that this journey I am on is not just about me, but it involves a lot of other people that I get the privilege of meeting and being a part of their journey. The one on the left I found at a street market in Paris, and it creatively depicts my spirit of adventure. It is also a visual representation of the statement on the other card, "We each have a light, our adventure is finding which paths to brighten."




We each have a light, our adventure is finding which paths to brighten
Cards by Curly Girl Designs and Gaelle Boissonnard 

And so I sit here in my weariness and I am humbled and thankful for this life I get to live. I am grateful for you, my family and friends - both new and old, who are on this journey with me. I couldn't do it alone and I am beholden to you, encouraged by your presence in my life.

Love at First Sight!

As I was preparing to move to France, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. I looked at the map and read a few websites, but everything was such a whirlwind, I didn't have much time for research. I tried not to have too many expectations, but one of the images I had was of me riding a bike around a little French village, and that image was something like this picture that a friend sent me several years ago. She took this in Sequim, WA, but it always made me think of the lavender fields in the south of France.



Check out As Eye See It for more of her photos

Spring has finally started to arrive here and I've been getting the itch to be on a bike. A colleague recommended the website "Leboncoin" - the French Craigslist, and so I started looking for bikes. Now mind you, I've never actually bought or sold anything on Craigslist because I've always thought it was too much of a hassle, too uncertain, and honestly... I was a little intimidated by the whole process. However, now that I'm living in a foreign country, somehow I have become bold and brave in a whole new way.

I found a bike that I liked and it was in my price range, and so I decided I'd contact the seller. I chose to send an email, because talking on the phone in French is just hard. Several days went by and I didn't hear anything, so I assumed either my email didn't make sense or they had already sold the bike. However, much to my surprise, I received an email asking me to call to make arrangements for me to see the bike. Eeekk! Now I had to actually talk on the phone. While learning French, I have relied heavily on body language, situational cues and my general intuition to help decipher what's being said. When you're talking on the phone, you don't get any of this, it's all in the language. So before I could chicken out, I called and talked with the woman who had advertised the bike. It went fairly well and we made arrangements for me to see the bike the next day at her mother's house. I was so excited at the prospect of getting a bike, I looked up all of the vocabulary for the various bike parts and then set off for the rendezvous. I was greeted by this delightful French woman who invited me in for tea, showed me pictures of her daughters and told me stories about her grandkids. Eventually we made it to the garage and..... it was love at first sight!

 

It was exactly what I had hoped for; however, as I took it for a test ride, I discovered that the back tire was flat. She was so apologetic, she insisted that I leave the bike there and she would get the tire fixed. I returned the next day and not only had she fixed the tire, but she reduced the price AND gave me a lock! I rode home with a huge grin on my face and wings on my soul.

 

Not only did I get a great bike, but I had this empowering experience of completing the entire transaction in French, all by myself - emails, phone calls, texts, and the in-person negotiations, along with afternoon tea and an invite to return for dinner!

 

I'm thinking a basket for my baguettes and picnic supplies will make this the perfect bike for the rest of my time in France.  

Field Trips

It's been a very full week for me. We have a small group of five students from Singapore here for two weeks and they have requested special field trips every afternoon.  My co-worker and I are taking turns going with them on their trips, depending on the activity and their needs. Earlier this week, I got to go with them to see the ruins of an old castle, and then to an Abbey that has been converted into a luxury hotel. Both were beautiful in very different ways.

The Château de la Madeleine

 

 

 

 

The school hires both a chauffer and a guide for these trips, so my only responsibility is to take pictures to capture the outing to post on the school's Facebook page.  The first outing was rather challenging for me personally..... The driver and the guide both only speak French, and the group from Singapore; although they do speak English, they are here as part of their French studies in school, so they are only speaking French. I knew that it would be difficult to learn a new language, but I didn't realize how isolating it would be at times. To not be able to communicate thoughts or feelings is bad enough (but expected), but to even be able to engage in very simple small talk is very frustrating! Everyone was very kind, but I felt a bit like an imposter. However, despite the communication challenges, I was able to capture some of the beauty in the surroundings.

The Abbaye des Vaux de Cernay

 

 

It was really hard to pick just a few pictures for this post so, if you want, you can check out my Facebook page for a full album of each of these places.